First and foremost, I need to talk about something that has been weighing heavy on my heart, then I will post the happy things as a "pick-me-up!"
On Tuesday, the date was May 17. Anybody who knows me knows what that date is to me...May 17 was my son Liam's 4 year "angelversary." Liam passed away in 2007 when he was 5 weeks old, the official ruling on his passing was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I thought the depth of his passing had hit me hard in the past but man! It has been hurting bad lately. I think that maybe in the past, I was preoccupied with raising a still (somewhat) small child. Jayden was 3 (almost 4) when Liam grew his angel wings. I had a lot going on with making sure Jayden was OK. Now, Jayden is 7 (almost 8), he is so much more independent, he has his friends, he has his things to keep him busy. Of course, he still needs me, but lets face it...he isn't a little kid anymore. He's a big kid! The ways he needs me are different. So I've had more time to really deal with the raw emotions and raw grief that I think I may have bottled deep down inside. It's emerging now and it isn't always easy. Liam turned 4 on April 9 and we did our annual balloon release for him. It was beautiful-the weather was fantastic! My sister and niece came down, my grandparents, parents, brother, and my cousin Malorie came for it. Adrian Jayden and I had some special moments out there together, writing our letters to Liam on our balloons. It was beautiful...but when it was all over, I came inside and had my own little melt down. Adrian was fantastic through it all. He always is. He knows when I need a soft word, he knows when I need silence, he knows when I need to be held and he knows when I need to be left alone. He also knows when I need to be told to snap out of it and go about my day (which isn't often, but sometimes, I do! Not over Liam though, he would never deny me the right to grieve!) He is a breath of fresh air in this process. In the past, I was not allowed to feel what I was feeling--I was told how I should feel by everybody around me. If I was sad, I was making everybody else sad, which put pressure on me to pretend I felt OK. I couldn't win with anybody.
Anyways...Happy 4th Angelversary to my Liam Scott. I love you and I miss you with all I have in me...your big brother does, too! We think of you all the time!
Jayden is doing so wonderful in school! He has perfect grades, and he will be going into third grade in the fall. We just booked his birthday party for his actual birthday--and when I say we just booked it, I mean we literally JUST booked it...today! He is so excited for it! He has his best buddy, Nicolas, who he has been best friends with since kindergarten. He's also buddies with Trevor, Patrick and Gabby, too. Gabby's mom and I were friends in highschool and pregnant together. Time sure does fly. Jayden amazes me everyday with things he does. It's amazing to me when I look at him and think back to when he was just an itty-bitty 4lb 12oz baby boy. He's now 60lbs and a wild BIG kid!
Adrian, Jayden and I are moving next year to Colorado. We are SO excited! We are hoping to move to the Fort Collins area, but we are also looking at Windsor, Loveland, and Colorado Springs. Adrian wants to go to school out there (as do I), and the job market out there is "boomin'," (as Adrian would say!) We are all looking forward to the change of scenery. We have been looking at houses out there (as much as we can do on-line), but we plan on taking a trip out there soon to get a look.
Adrian received his grades from the local college today--he did FANTASTIC! Four A's and one B! I am so proud of him! He is so smart and he does remarkably well at everything that he sets his mind to. We are celebrating tonight with some homemade chicken wing pizza (made by yours truly) and chicken wing dip (with the remainder of some of the ingredients)...Hello Heartburn! Here we come!
Jayden is going with my dad tonight to eat and then to spend the night with him-it's their weekend ritual on weekend evenings that my dad doesn't have a gig. It normally falls on a Saturday night, but tomorrow night, my dad has two band jobs, so tonight, they have their guys night. Jayden is beyond thrilled since they're going out for chicken wings and other "manly food."
Apparently, the world is supposed to end tomorrow--I don't buy into it, so I am going to sign off by saying "until next time."
Apparently, the world is supposed to end tomorrow--I don't buy into it, so I am going to sign off by saying "until next time."
